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In defense of pants

May 2, 2010

In the past few days, three separate events occurred that, when thoughtfully interpreted in succession, represent a baffling social trend. Women have stopped wearing pants. Or rather, they’ve stopped respecting pants.

No pants

First, there is a growing trend of wearing leggings out of their proper context. Leggings, for the record, are meant to be worn under something — they do not constitute pants unto themselves, especially when paired with a wedgy. The first time I noticed this trend was about a year ago on the East Coast. It has proliferated at blinding speed and appears to have infiltrated the Middle East.

Second, baggy pants require a belt. For more than a decade people have complained of boys wearing their pants below their butts and exposing wide swaths of boxer shorts to an unappreciative audience. More recently people have been disturbed by thongs showing above low-rise jeans. But take note: such sartorial phenomena are infinitely worse when underwear isn’t involved. Plumber cracks are one thing — at least those exposures are expected and temporary. But especially rotund individuals who lack a waist and the forethought to procure a belt or underwear pose an even more profound visual threat to society. My latest experience with this variety of pantslessness occurred on a bus outside Tel Aviv, when a large woman scurried down the aisle in a race to beat her plummeting waistband and ever-increasing indecent exposure. The entire bus was thoroughly mooned.

Finally, this morning a woman was pushing a stroller down the sidewalk in front of me. I only noticed the stroller, however, after the excruciating minute it took before I could tear my eyes away from the five inches of crack she was displaying for the world to see. Her pants were so tight and small that she was literally limping. I understand gaining weight after having a baby — it’s fine and normal and there is no reason to apologize for it. But if two weeks directly postpartum you insist on squeezing back into the skinny jeans that were much too small even before pregnancy, at least wear a shirt long enough to cover everything your pants no longer can.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Annie permalink
    May 3, 2010 1:23 am

    You need to take a picture of these displays. You can start a new website: Walmart shoppers in Israel, without the Walmart.

  2. claire permalink
    May 3, 2010 6:13 pm

    Ah ha ha, spandex/ visible panty lines are ABUNDANT on the bus!

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